7/10/18
Today marks the end of another cycle of moon ruled
birthday’s in my home. It was opened by
my son, CJ who turned eight years old on June 26th. If I could note any change in his new year, I
would have to say that he is a bit more rambunctious than he was this time last
year. I find that I often have to tell
him things more than once. I have also
found that I’ve been threatening him with whoopins’ more than ever. My parents would probably tell me to actually
make good on those threats as a sign of good parenting because that’s how their
generation handled things. I get it. And I have no regrets about most of those whoopins’. All accept for this one time when… and then there
was that other time that I won’t get into right now. Anyway, my son’s newfound traits do reveal to
me that he is developing a strong will.
The only thing that I can do as a parent is make sure that he uses that
will as an asset and not a liability. He is strong, sensitive and extremely
self-aware. Right now, he’s just testing
me and making sure that I am present in his life and never ever aloof. And I will always remind him that I am up to
the challenge.
My birthday was next in the Cancer birthday extravaganza and
as usual, it came in like a lamb and left like a lamb, beginning in a
Mediterranean restaurant and ending in a relaxing spa. I have no complaints that it usually goes
that way. I’m not sure how I would react
to a crowded room filled with people all assembled to devote at least ten to
fifteen seconds of their time to wishing me a happy birthday. The thought of it is just scary for so many
reasons if you let my ego tell it. During my time at the spa, I actually did
something that goes against my normal birthday routine. I usually find time to reflect and think
about what I learned. But while I was at the spa I did the opposite. There’s something about Swedish massage that
can convince a man not to think at all.
I was definitely convinced. But no
one can ever really run from their mind and mine soon caught up with me to
remind me of this. But ironically, I
actually learned something worthwhile. I
learned that sometimes the mind is our worst enemy. And suddenly that revelation was followed by
another and I realized that my mind was the source of great unhappiness that
eclipsed all of my light in the past year.
And finally, I realized that like the title of this blog I really do
think too much!
Today, Autumn’s birthday ended the cycle of Cancer birthdays
for this year. She showed that she has her father’s gift for finding the
greatest joy in the simplest things on a day that she could have had anything
she wanted. But all she wanted was to go to Brooklyn Bridge Park and play on
the swings with her best friend Gabbi. I
watched her as she joked and laughed while getting her feet wet in the Hudson
River, skipping stones and telling funny stories. It’s the most I’ve seen her smile in a long
time. I’ve seen her sad and as a writer,
I have to apologize when I say that her sadness provokes feelings in me that
are outside of my lexicon. I would trade my life for the ability to abolish
that sadness but I know that she will need some of it to make her strong. The good news is that I got to be a fly on
the wall in her moment of happiness; a moment that I know she will never
forget. I am so grateful to the creator that I got a front row seat. I wonder
if she knows that on this birthday, she gave me the greatest gift of all. We ended the night with dinner and we all
took turns sharing words of encouragement, praise and honor for Autumn as a
daughter, big sister and best friend.
When my turn came I got a little tongue tied because I didn’t want my
words to make her feel heavy. I was
thinking about a conversation that we had earlier in the day about her tendency
to sometimes be indecisive and asking others to help her. She struggled with
this issue while trying to decide how to spend her birthday. I could feel her
frustration as she asked me over and over again what she should do as I calmly
repeated, “whatever you want, it’s your day”.
I was happy to see that when her fear of deciding subsided, that day
really did belong to her and spent it exactly the way that she wanted. I wanted
to remind her to continue this behavior in the upcoming year without putting
pressure on her and making the moment all weird, so when my turn came to speak
I did just that. I told her that in the
year to come, she should make sure that she gives herself something that she
didn’t have last year. And then I
watched my wife’s cynical face struggle not to laugh and ask me what the hell I
was talking about for fear it would offend me.
It probably would have, but it would have been funny and she would’ve
been absolutely right to ask. This is my second attempt. My birthday wish for my beloved daughter is
to every now and then, find the confidence to say screw the consequences, make
some moves in life and most importantly, avoid daddy’s bad habit of thinking
too much.
Happy Birthday Autumn!
Daddy Loves You!
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