I wrote this one a while ago when I was still doing that myspace thing. I'm not sure why I'm rehashing it. It could be because there are an increasing number of kids carrying guitars in the halls where I teach (which I am told is my fault). Or it could be that I recently broke a string. I don't know I guess I'll figure it out later.
It's about 1:15 in the morning. I just came home from an open mike in a place called Kili on Hoyt Street in Brooklyn. I've been drinking. I think that my performance was on fire! But, as I mentioned earlier, I've been drinking. Now anyone knows that when you've been drinking (or other fun "ing" words) your view on life can sometimes become very clear. My friend Mikel likes to call these moments "moments of clarity"; like when you wake up and discover that the job you've had for years really does suck and you wasted 20 years. It's kind of like that. I had a few of those moments tonight. However; they may or may not be considered as tragic as the one I just mentioned in the example. This of course would depend on the reader's choice of "ing" activities prior to reading this.
Moment 1: While in the bar, I had a conversation with my friend Sharrief about how I named both of my guitars after my deceased grandmothers. Their names are Lilly after my paternal grandmother Lillian Downing and Mattie after my maternal grandmother Mattie Ruth Patterson. I was not hit with this moment of clarity until I took the stage and started to play. Somehow during a spell of egotism as my surface self was sensing the admiration of the crowd and thinking "damn I'm kickin' ass up here", my insecure self was reflecting on a conversation that I once had with a producer regarding my playing. He told me that he loved my songs but when I played them he could sense that I had not yet gotten to know my instrument. He felt that my songs would be more felt if I developed more of an intimacy with it. I remember thinking that what he was saying sounded a lot like masturbation. Fast forwarding to tonight, the moment of clarity came when I realized that he was right...that is about the guitar part but I digress. Although there is a chance that he could have just been planting a self fullfilling prophecy in my brain, it didn't make the moment any less powerful or any less prophetic. So I guess (he says reluctantly)he deserves my thanks.
Moment 2: This is the part where the "ing" thing counts. After my performance I also realized that I often feel these voids of intimacy when playing the very guitars that bare my grandmother's names. And then I realized that just like I don't know my guitars I never really knew my grandmothers either. I loved them both, but I never got to know them them as people. Anyone who sees this connection might also see the tragedy here.
Moment 3: In the cab ride home I started thinking that maybe there was some kind of deep revelation that I was stumbling upon. Maybe this connection with my guitars meant that I had to start calling my parents, aunts and uncles and getting information on my grandmothers so that some black history month movie of the week moment would happen and the spirits of those great women would jump into my guitars with each bit of knowledge and turn me into a supernatural Robert Johnson type dude. But then the moment of clarity came when reality yanked me out of the daze, shook its head at me and said "nope dat ain't it". I realized at that moment that if any of those women were alive today they would tell me that the only way I'm going to get to know my guitar is by picking it up every day and playing it.
I guess maybe I did know those ladies after all.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Stars and Role Players are We
In his post-game interview after last night’s loss to the Orlando Magic, Lebron James explained that their problems in these playoffs are primarily with Dwight Howard who is a beast to guard in the paint. Any attempts to defend him there thus far have resulted in 3 point plays, monster dunks, or passes to his supporting cast who have exhibited stellar shooting. In essence, although James may be every bit as great as they say he is, he cannot do it all. Factors such as fatigue and pressure to make big shots night after night can sometimes take their toll. Another factor that was mentioned is that his supporting cast must also make big shots if they have any chance of winning.
Personally, I have never hit a three pointer to win a game, but I think I have an idea of what Mr. James and the Cavaliers are going through. The events that occur in their locker room from this point forward will either be the stuff of legend or mediocrity. Whether they win or lose, their conversations will either forever bond them or send them on their separate ways. It is important that in these challenging times that we go back to our locker rooms also. The discussions that we have with each other in our own personal huddles are far more pivotal than any playoff game could ever boast. Through communication defeat becomes nothing more than change. Change must sometimes be handled as a team.
The playoffs have been great so far and it would be safe to say that many of us are living vicariously through the heroes of these contests every night. My hope is that the rest of us mortals can show the same kind of strength, resolve, and dignity that Lebron James has shown even in defeat. It is important that we use our God given talents as both role players and stars to make the adjustments we need to experience the victory of full and happy lives.
This blog is dedicated to the two stars in my locker room that have played pivotal roles in my life.
Personally, I have never hit a three pointer to win a game, but I think I have an idea of what Mr. James and the Cavaliers are going through. The events that occur in their locker room from this point forward will either be the stuff of legend or mediocrity. Whether they win or lose, their conversations will either forever bond them or send them on their separate ways. It is important that in these challenging times that we go back to our locker rooms also. The discussions that we have with each other in our own personal huddles are far more pivotal than any playoff game could ever boast. Through communication defeat becomes nothing more than change. Change must sometimes be handled as a team.
The playoffs have been great so far and it would be safe to say that many of us are living vicariously through the heroes of these contests every night. My hope is that the rest of us mortals can show the same kind of strength, resolve, and dignity that Lebron James has shown even in defeat. It is important that we use our God given talents as both role players and stars to make the adjustments we need to experience the victory of full and happy lives.
This blog is dedicated to the two stars in my locker room that have played pivotal roles in my life.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Definitely Not Your Mom's Antichrist
Evil over the past decade has been associated with two things: The Bush administration and its enemies; followers of the Islamic faith. In a recent interview in Interview magazine Yusuf Islam (aka Cat Stevens) one of the biggest pop stars of the late sixties and seventies made some interesting observations about the future of the world via the book of Revelations. Islam who converted to the religion of the same name almost 3 decades ago stated:
“There’s a common threat facing all of us—Christians, Jews, and Muslims—and it is the Antichrist. It’s a very deep subject, and it’s a horrendous thing to contemplate. Someone will appear who is, in fact, the opposite of what he appears to be. Some people will believe in him, and that’s really frightening”.
Although I’m not exactly big on the Bible I have watched enough apocalyptic themed cinema (i.e.: The Omen’s 1 through 3, The Seventh Sign etc.) and listened to enough Bob Marley and Peter Tosh to at least be scarcely aware that these are times of great tribulation. It seems that presently there are so many tragedies going on in the world such as the economy, swine flu pandemic and wars in the Middle East that according to sacred text we should be somewhat suspicious of any man wielding the flag of salvation. Is it possible that these texts, movies and music inspired by them have been written too well? I can recall vivid accounts of an aunt of mine reading them and becoming inconsolable afterward. I can also remember hearing my mother’s passionate rants that Ronald Wilson Reagan whose name mathematically emblazoned the numbers 666 was indeed the Antichrist. Since I never knew her to go to church except on occasion, these observations frankly seemed laughable.
Imagine the irony and utter shock if this fabled figure spoken of so many centuries ago presided over our current administration. I know I and many other black folk would probably be thinking ‘Damn! Why it always gotta’ be a black man!? Again, this concept seems laughable but should be noted because there is a great mass of people who want and need for him to be successful. History has unfortunately shown us that in times of great need and peril many of us have the tendency to act irrationally. Therefore, it would behoove us all to be critical as well as patient for progress to become a reality.
In the same interview Yusuf Islam when asked about his feelings about America; the same country that once denied him passage because he was suspected of being a terrorist said the following:
“America was my home for a very long time, and it’s a fascinating, pioneering country that many people look to. In the recent past it hasn’t been doing very well, but there’s a great new hope now with the election of Obama. America took a very big leap there and proved that it still has the edge as far as being able to do things many other countries may find difficult”.
What’s scary here is obvious or laughable depending on which side of the fence the observer happens to reside. I’m sure many republicans out there have already circled in red ink the text in question. The inspiring thing here is that even with a message as scary as Armageddon in mind Yusuf Islam was still able to suspend it long enough to consider hope in the present day. In the final part of his interview when asked about the difference between knowledge and wisdom he said:
“Knowledge is a thing you can carry around with you, but you may not apply it. Some knowledge is indiscriminate, and it can be damaging. I recently found a wonderful definition of wisdom: It is that thing which results in the maximum good and the least harm”.
Let us all hope, pray for and in our daily lives practice wisdom.
“There’s a common threat facing all of us—Christians, Jews, and Muslims—and it is the Antichrist. It’s a very deep subject, and it’s a horrendous thing to contemplate. Someone will appear who is, in fact, the opposite of what he appears to be. Some people will believe in him, and that’s really frightening”.
Although I’m not exactly big on the Bible I have watched enough apocalyptic themed cinema (i.e.: The Omen’s 1 through 3, The Seventh Sign etc.) and listened to enough Bob Marley and Peter Tosh to at least be scarcely aware that these are times of great tribulation. It seems that presently there are so many tragedies going on in the world such as the economy, swine flu pandemic and wars in the Middle East that according to sacred text we should be somewhat suspicious of any man wielding the flag of salvation. Is it possible that these texts, movies and music inspired by them have been written too well? I can recall vivid accounts of an aunt of mine reading them and becoming inconsolable afterward. I can also remember hearing my mother’s passionate rants that Ronald Wilson Reagan whose name mathematically emblazoned the numbers 666 was indeed the Antichrist. Since I never knew her to go to church except on occasion, these observations frankly seemed laughable.
Imagine the irony and utter shock if this fabled figure spoken of so many centuries ago presided over our current administration. I know I and many other black folk would probably be thinking ‘Damn! Why it always gotta’ be a black man!? Again, this concept seems laughable but should be noted because there is a great mass of people who want and need for him to be successful. History has unfortunately shown us that in times of great need and peril many of us have the tendency to act irrationally. Therefore, it would behoove us all to be critical as well as patient for progress to become a reality.
In the same interview Yusuf Islam when asked about his feelings about America; the same country that once denied him passage because he was suspected of being a terrorist said the following:
“America was my home for a very long time, and it’s a fascinating, pioneering country that many people look to. In the recent past it hasn’t been doing very well, but there’s a great new hope now with the election of Obama. America took a very big leap there and proved that it still has the edge as far as being able to do things many other countries may find difficult”.
What’s scary here is obvious or laughable depending on which side of the fence the observer happens to reside. I’m sure many republicans out there have already circled in red ink the text in question. The inspiring thing here is that even with a message as scary as Armageddon in mind Yusuf Islam was still able to suspend it long enough to consider hope in the present day. In the final part of his interview when asked about the difference between knowledge and wisdom he said:
“Knowledge is a thing you can carry around with you, but you may not apply it. Some knowledge is indiscriminate, and it can be damaging. I recently found a wonderful definition of wisdom: It is that thing which results in the maximum good and the least harm”.
Let us all hope, pray for and in our daily lives practice wisdom.
Love, Truth and Chrisette Michele
Tonight at approximately 11:20 pm I was having a conversation with my fiancé about Chrisette Michele’s new CD. What was remarkable is that we were both listening and agreeing that this woman had just become our favorite artist. I’m not sure but maybe it’s because she is Gemini and I’m a Cancer that we hardly ever agree on anything musically…or anything else. But our tastes in music are distinctly like apples and oranges. Tonight however, we somehow achieved synchronicity.
As Chrisette’s magic was being weaved from my fiancé’s I-phone (a gift I gave her which has been nothing but a distraction ever since) produced conversation in the room I thought to myself how amazing the lyrics were in a song where she tells a man to say whatever he wants about her as long as he says goodbye. When I mentioned how hard core that statement was she said “She (Chrisette) speaks the truth and that makes it ok…and I can’t think of anyone better to have the truth with than you”. Needless to say, that shit kind of blew my mind. I immediately thought about how ugly the truth could get especially since neither of us is perfect. But I also thought about how beautiful the truth is and could be. So what she was essentially telling me was that she loves me enough to take them both. Kudos to Chrisette Michele for resuming us on the path to truth and love.
As Chrisette’s magic was being weaved from my fiancé’s I-phone (a gift I gave her which has been nothing but a distraction ever since) produced conversation in the room I thought to myself how amazing the lyrics were in a song where she tells a man to say whatever he wants about her as long as he says goodbye. When I mentioned how hard core that statement was she said “She (Chrisette) speaks the truth and that makes it ok…and I can’t think of anyone better to have the truth with than you”. Needless to say, that shit kind of blew my mind. I immediately thought about how ugly the truth could get especially since neither of us is perfect. But I also thought about how beautiful the truth is and could be. So what she was essentially telling me was that she loves me enough to take them both. Kudos to Chrisette Michele for resuming us on the path to truth and love.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Barack Obama: Mack or Machiavellian?
I have a friend who once said that any man who handles his conflicts in public is essentially no man at all. I’m paraphrasing of course but I guess the point of his comment was that there are two types of men: the strong and tactful type and (to use a more pedestrian term) the bitch. To most, the latter of these is often associated with femininity although many men have presented paradoxical examples of strength through acts that exemplify manhood. For example, a man who attends a tea party whose guest list includes Barbie, Dora the Explorer and his five year old daughter would definitely not be considered a bitch despite the fact that the act itself is uncommon among many males. My friend was referring of course to the ilk that often resort to beating their chests over petty matters such as cash, women to whom they are not committed or other trifles. It must be the stress of the current economy that has increased my encounters with such individuals lately. I suppose there are many who could be blamed for their resurgence but at this moment one man comes to mind: George W. Bush.
It doesn’t take a historian to know that our former president had some deep seeded bitch issues which originated with his daddy George Sr. and later manifested in his foreign policy. Many would agree that the problem is that Mr. Bush possessed an ill defined concept of diplomacy. When I think of past leaders of the free world in general I assume that their Ivy League training which echoed the voices of Machiavelli, and Richard III, was often dinner conversation. The subjects of these conversations made an art out of avoiding “bitchdom”in this sense. They all shared a similar philosophy when it came to leadership which was to be angels in public and demons in private when it came to both national and their own security as leaders. One thing that many leaders of old shared in common was that the use of force (at least in public) was not always necessary. Was Mr. Bitch…excuse me Bush paying attention? If he was, how would the Iraq/Afghanistan situations look today?
Enter: Barack Obama. Many would agree that he was elected because people want change in this country. There are also those who want to go back to the good old days when America was “the greatest country in the world”; when diplomacy was king and foreign annoyances like Osama Bin Laden could be taken care of efficiently by the time the Knicks game was on and dinner was being served. Could Obama with his slick intellectual swagger be the guy to restore this sense of security? Although this remains to be seen, I’m pretty sure that he at least knows who Machiavelli was. Although the term Machiavellian in modern society is a pejorative term, it is no secret that he was if nothing else a realist about the inner workings of modern day government and politics. So it is understandable if our current president avoids this association. I wonder if he at least saw the classic blaxploitation movie “The Mack”(check youtube if you are unfamiliar) in which the main character Goldie in my opinion exhibited diplomacy 101 when he told Pretty Tony ... ‘we can settle this like you got some class or we can get into some gangsta sh*t’. This scene despite its ‘pimped out’ theme suggested that it is important to be a gentlemen and a scholar even in times of conflict. With this in mind, Barack Obama does not seem like the ‘bitch type’ at all which is a plus. With all of the factors which could cripple this country at stake I wonder: Is it possible that we have a “Mack” in office? Only time will tell.
It doesn’t take a historian to know that our former president had some deep seeded bitch issues which originated with his daddy George Sr. and later manifested in his foreign policy. Many would agree that the problem is that Mr. Bush possessed an ill defined concept of diplomacy. When I think of past leaders of the free world in general I assume that their Ivy League training which echoed the voices of Machiavelli, and Richard III, was often dinner conversation. The subjects of these conversations made an art out of avoiding “bitchdom”in this sense. They all shared a similar philosophy when it came to leadership which was to be angels in public and demons in private when it came to both national and their own security as leaders. One thing that many leaders of old shared in common was that the use of force (at least in public) was not always necessary. Was Mr. Bitch…excuse me Bush paying attention? If he was, how would the Iraq/Afghanistan situations look today?
Enter: Barack Obama. Many would agree that he was elected because people want change in this country. There are also those who want to go back to the good old days when America was “the greatest country in the world”; when diplomacy was king and foreign annoyances like Osama Bin Laden could be taken care of efficiently by the time the Knicks game was on and dinner was being served. Could Obama with his slick intellectual swagger be the guy to restore this sense of security? Although this remains to be seen, I’m pretty sure that he at least knows who Machiavelli was. Although the term Machiavellian in modern society is a pejorative term, it is no secret that he was if nothing else a realist about the inner workings of modern day government and politics. So it is understandable if our current president avoids this association. I wonder if he at least saw the classic blaxploitation movie “The Mack”(check youtube if you are unfamiliar) in which the main character Goldie in my opinion exhibited diplomacy 101 when he told Pretty Tony ... ‘we can settle this like you got some class or we can get into some gangsta sh*t’. This scene despite its ‘pimped out’ theme suggested that it is important to be a gentlemen and a scholar even in times of conflict. With this in mind, Barack Obama does not seem like the ‘bitch type’ at all which is a plus. With all of the factors which could cripple this country at stake I wonder: Is it possible that we have a “Mack” in office? Only time will tell.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A Different Kind of Nigga'
Two weeks ago i had an argument with one of my students about being habitually late to my class in excesses of 20 minutes or more. He appeared to be in disbelief of the fact that I had the nerve to charge him 5 points off his final grade for each infraction. During the conversation he looked at me with the same kind of smirk basketball players use when they believe they have been unjustly charged with a foul and said "Mr. Knight, you a different kind a nigga". Someone suggested that this be the title of my memoirs. I'm not sure if I would go that far, but the situation is worth noting. Normally I would connect this anecdote to a larger point, but today...I got nuthin'!
Comments? Suggestions? Be my guest.
Comments? Suggestions? Be my guest.
Friday, May 1, 2009
What the Flux??!!
Last week while playing hooky from my job I happened upon a street vendor that sold rare DVD’s not sold in stores. Among these treasures was the Silver Surfer cartoon which was dropped from the Fox network after 1 season. I watched in delight as Galactus the devourer of worlds made his way across the galaxy with the Surfer as his guide. Oddly enough this animated fantasy stimulated some thought about my own world. In my case however, the surfer is my landlord Paul who is selling the building and Galactus is the juggernaut influx of new tenants and buyers who permeate my neighborhood in Bedstuy. In essence, the change that I spoke of in previous blog posts has literally reached my door step. I will be moving in about 3 days.
This theme of change does not only involve my living situation. It has also affected my job and even the bar where I go on Tuesdays to unwind and play guitar. The school where I work is undergoing massive restructuring and the bar now has a new owner. This sudden awareness of change has hit me on all major fronts; home, work and entertainment. It is astonishing how rapidly these milestones have taken place especially since it was only a short time ago that I was speaking of it only as a passive observer. All of the speeches I heard and literature I read that have echoed these sentiments could never have captured the essence of what I am experiencing at this very moment. Galactus has arrived and he is hungry. But at the moment as I experience this state of flux as pieces of my world begin to unravel and float into space, I am calm and composed. But the wraith of the planet eater is nothing compared to my fiancés’ who does not share in my calmness or composure and will surely wonder (loudly) what the flux is going on if she found me blogging instead of packing. Therefore, I will embrace the changes to come and the boxes with open arms.
This theme of change does not only involve my living situation. It has also affected my job and even the bar where I go on Tuesdays to unwind and play guitar. The school where I work is undergoing massive restructuring and the bar now has a new owner. This sudden awareness of change has hit me on all major fronts; home, work and entertainment. It is astonishing how rapidly these milestones have taken place especially since it was only a short time ago that I was speaking of it only as a passive observer. All of the speeches I heard and literature I read that have echoed these sentiments could never have captured the essence of what I am experiencing at this very moment. Galactus has arrived and he is hungry. But at the moment as I experience this state of flux as pieces of my world begin to unravel and float into space, I am calm and composed. But the wraith of the planet eater is nothing compared to my fiancés’ who does not share in my calmness or composure and will surely wonder (loudly) what the flux is going on if she found me blogging instead of packing. Therefore, I will embrace the changes to come and the boxes with open arms.
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