better than cookies

Just when I think I'm having a moment of brilliance, something even more brilliant happens. Tonight I finally convinced the subject of the last entry to read this blog. As soon as she sat down to read, my 6 year old daughter Autumn walks in, grabs the computer and proceeds to read it aloud. Now that's remarkable!

And when that was over I ate cookies

Today I was depressed. It's funny how one little argument with your one and only can dictate the tone and rhythm of your day. I slept a lot, woke up in hazes where I just sat and stared for 30 seconds or more, went to the bathroom, answered several of my daughters questions concerning the world and returned to bed to sleep some more. After I decided to call her and talk about this was when I finally woke up and officially started my day. One little argument created all of this. I think that's remarkable! Now here's the part where the black neo-mammy chick jumps into this little stream of consciousness of mine and says "That's the power of love baby!"(or cookies.)But I guess in this case she's right. Especially since in my commercial she finally drops that damn Pinesol bottle!

Really this time...

Happy Birthday Tai!!!!! Hope your day is everything it should be.


big love

c

Random and not so random voices

Often when I find my self in doubt about what my life is worth or what my purpose is, some random voice out of nowhere lets me know that I have all the elements of a sweet existence. I only notice these voices when I shut up, listen and pay attention to the details.
I'm developing a growing appreciation for these voices, especially when they are random and unsolicited. I am aware that my preference for the random and unsolicited makes my desire to write in this space a slight problem because nothing about blogging is ever random or unsolicited. Nevertheless, any voices random or otherwise are always welcome.

Blogging is cool.

I went to see G.I. Joe tonight. It was ok I guess. Once you got past all the action packed cliche's, Marlon Wayan's painfully over played role of black sidekick who would do any thing for his BFF who happens to be the hero of the movie; who also happens to be a larger than life god who can do virtually any thing and live; who also happens to have the demeanor of a man that should be taken seriously even when he's joking and who also happens to be white. But like I said, once you got passed that it was cool.

As I sit here writing I'm feeling a sense of pride because I finally decided to connect this computer in a place within my new home that actually feels like I'm really in my new home. It's my own little nook where I can sit calmly and churn out all of these random thoughts/rants with complete confidence... well maybe not complete but they will be churned nevertheless. To be completely honest, I don't know where this desire to think out loud will ever take me besides away of boredom. Perhaps that is the only place I need to go. I actually started this blog out of a desire to go there. And during my journey I also found some other kinda scary stuff(see earlier postings). Here's the part where I get cryptic: Sometimes things in movies in a very sneaky way hit very close to home. What's ironic is that I'm almost ashamed to admit that I actually get to be the occasional hero in this place that my words created. Here i can make Marlon Wayans disappear.

I wanted to name this" 40 is a bitch" but I'm only 39.

I'm sorry I jumped the gun but I've been feeling quite mortal lately. As I sit here in my bedroom unable to sleep I'm realizing at this very moment that at this ripe old age I have been both blessed and cursed with the insight that enables me to fear the future and the insanity to face it anyway. I guess I thought I had at least a year to feel this way but as I said before I jumped the gun. I'm somewhere in between what the fuck am i doing and dude just go with it. Is there word for this? Maybe someone will tell me or maybe it's a secret held dear by a clandestine group of people who will only reveal it when I'm 40 or older like them.


btw please no midlife crisis jokes I'm trying to be poetic here!

And Lastly...

But not Leastly, Happy Birthday Tai. I love you brother.

c

an addendum...

To [Oops! I almost forgot]:


#6. People can be assholes at times. When at all possible ignore this flaw.

It will make your life a helluva lot easier.

A poem

I hold your footsteps in my memories
multitudes of me
once sleepwalking
all want you.

In this now
my entire experience
is you.

I want you...

grant me this

grant me now

grant me u.