What if a person could gain intimate knowledge of his neighbor by the simple act of sniffing his arse. I know it sounds kind of odd, but we have become a nation that is so completely obsessed with decorum in the midst of utter chaos, that it would be interesting to see how we would react if we could suddenly bring peace to the world by simply mimicking cats and dogs. And since I have never seen a poodle drop a bomb on a pit bull, I would say that they must be doing something right. I know it sounds crazy but what if sometime in 1000A.D. some king decreed that arse sniffing was uncivilized and that those who were caught doing it would be burned at the stake. I think that would be enough to make me walk upright. And maybe this king made this decree because he knew that performing this act would be the alternative to war and atrocities which would bare him more profit than peace on earth and decided that he and his knights would be the only ones worthy of the infinite wisdom that arse sniffing yielded. Therefore, it is possible that every high official in government who went to an ivy league school was in an arse sniffing fraternity and if they were ever caught sharing their arse sniffing secrets would be assassinated. Who knows? Maybe Kennedy was an arse sniffer who decided to blow the whistle on the whole arse sniffing conspiracy and was silenced in Dallas on that fateful day.
Just think if arse sniffing was legal, women would be sayin' shit like: I'm sorry, I don't arse sniff on the first date. And men would be sayin' "but I bought you dinner at an expensive restaurant, I think that deserves at least one arse sniffing"!? When applying for jobs, employers would not only require references and a credit check but a healthy sniff as well. (of course any use of tongue would be considered sexual harassment). On prom night fathers could put away their shot guns and sniff their daughter's dates instead. But would they? Absolutely not!
It seems that most of the masses are quite content with their mediocrity. Everybody says that they want infinite peace and wisdom but they'd rather not have to sniff arse to get it. What is confusing about this realization is now I don't know whether or not to be proud of the masses because of it.
2 comments:
I was in the hospital one Friday night and the orderlies were trying to guess what foods people had eaten for dinner by the smell of their vomit.
Let's leave this one to the dogs.
LOL!!!! I had a few drinks on this one.
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